i am not proud of myself. i am disappointed 😦 again. i guess, that this is the worst feeling ever. when you are not able to fulfill your own expectations, to make your dreams come true. no, it’s not truth that i am not able to do it. i do not want to. what frightens me the most? that i make promises and i believe that i’ll attain a long-held ambition, but it doesn’t last long. after a while i think that maybe i should let this go. is this so important that i should lose my precious time for that? is there any reason for which i should do my best? and the worst is that i claim it’s not a big deal to give up on my goal, target, because nothing happens, no harm is done.
but this is a bunch of malarkey. i hurt myself. i’ll be the one who suffers.. where is this big motivation. i told him i follow this premise : impossible is nothing. and when you want something so badly you will get it. you have to work harder and you have to believe in your abilities then you will overcome all the obstacles. you have to pursue a goal no matter how hard it is. you can’t give up. i don’t recognize myself. i’ve changed.